While it is technically Wednesday, the day has not ended until I sleep. And since I have yet to close my tired eyes, this still counts as my Tuesday posting. Which ultimately means I refuse to admit I have already broken my once-a-day posting streak.
Now let us get deep in the late hours.
Have you ever loved an enemy?
In this last year of my life I have come to realize that the only true form of disconnect and lack of feeling toward another human being is not hate, but indifference. To not be moved at all by the happenings, actions and reactions of another. Love and hate are the most aggressive and passionate feelings, and neither are to far from the other. It takes a lot of feeling and emotion to hate someone. I had the pleasure of that passion while at Hallmark.
Jessica Reilly was beautiful and talented and a bitch.
Or so that was what I told myself.
Mine and Jessica's rivalry would go on to shape our entire experience at Hallmark. It would effect our relationships with others, our creative visions and process, and our day to day functionality. Without hating Jessica, I would have not seen the world the way I did, the way I do. I would not have held close those that I did. I would not love her now, the way that I do. I needed to hate her to be able to grow and reflect on the reasons behind why I did in the first place.
Before leaving Hallmark I had the distinct honor of photographing Ms. Reilly. It was a sunny afternoon. Our final portfolios were turned it, and we both knew it was time. The portrait studio was completely empty, and we worked without disturbance. As we got ready, there was a heaviness in the room. She evoked the emotion she had burdened me with for so long, and I did from her as well.
Few experiences in my life will amount to that moment. There is so much I could say, that I could tell you about that afternoon, but for now I will refrain.
I hope now to take the series of images that I made of Jessica and tell the story of that afternoon in an essay/photo story form. I hope that Jessica might contribute her thoughts, images, and raw emotional material to my project as well. I look forward to not only writing this piece, but sharing it with you as well.
There is growth in love, in hate, and in realization.